i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
