New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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