Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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