am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
