I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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