I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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