it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize