why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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