She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
