It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
