you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
