just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He has the fingertips of a God
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
