i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
time to smoke my breakfast
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
