Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
