I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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