she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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