oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
