I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
