I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
