Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
