u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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