Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
