gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Your penis caused this!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
