matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
