Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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