We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
