i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
