Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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