She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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