i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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