the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
