I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
