I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
