Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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