a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
handjob tips. give me some.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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