im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
