You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
