She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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