i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
