Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
