If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
whose parrot is this?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
