No awkward lesbian experiences without me
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
