Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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