Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
