it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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