Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
