Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
