"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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