So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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