Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize