i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
