the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
