Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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