Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
