Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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