This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i now understand why vodka
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
