when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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