It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
