I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
