So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
