my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
His nipple licking is glorious
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