My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
