I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Please, let me fuck your mom
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
