She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
